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Before you go any further, take a few moments and congratulate my little (younger) brother! He just graduated middle school--I can't believe it D: He's so grown up. Anyhow, drop him a line on his dA page if you get a chance! ~darkmaster13

Love you A.C.!




The few closest to me, AKA Skype fiends and Twitter follwers, already know that I'm not going to be in Texas much longer.

It feels so hard to say it after everything, but I am unaffected, if not excited.

If there was a way to legitimately stay here in Texas, we wouldn't consider the possibility of leaving. With the car business economy following us from California, it left George without a job. He, along with handfuls of others, was laid off on Thursday. His check wasn't half our rent. We have to move on again.

In some ways, it feels like we've failed here in Texas. We came here on a mission to do miraculous things. We came here to work our asses off and make some money--to get right again. When we landed in San Antonio, my dad, George and I had dreams that went to the skies. I will never ever be angry at myself for setting my goals way beyond reality, but when things don't turn out the way you imagined, there isn't any use crying over it.

I'm leaving Texas this week.

We didn't make any money to pay our old bills, George was hospitalized for the greater portion of it, and a lot of nights were spent wondering if the strain between the three of us (my father, George and I) would drive us insane.

It very nearly did.

But.

Yes, but.

Texas has it's purpose and it's place in my life. And George's life. And Dad's life. When talking about breaking points, I think we all found ours. We went to the edge and managed to come back with our minds still in tact and our hearts stronger than ever.

We learned a lot of things medically that we can take care of with George, George was able to make attempts to try and get back into his son's life (he left moments ago to try and see him), I'm almost 30k into my novel, and I've discovered the love for being an artist again.

Failure? Yeah, maybe we failed at what we came here to do. In all reality? We learned a lot of lessons, gained a lot of strength, and re-invigorated the dreams we used to have with the belief that anything is possible.

I'm not any richer financially than before I got here, but who says that's everything? If we can all just get by (yes, all of us--you and me and everyone), we'll discover the losses we've had were really just a catalyst to make all of us greater people. It's a hard thing to come to terms with, but I'm sure many before me know, and I'm sure, with sadness, many people just like me will follow.

Packing starts today, and I should be finished in a couple of hours. There isn't much here! We should leave on Tuesday, and we'll be driving like bats outta hell.

Where are we going? We're driving back to California, where our hearts are. It was easy for me to flip like a switch and say that I'd never miss California, it's great to be here, there isn't anything left there for me. What a bunch of bullshit. See, optimism in the worst times allows you to lie to yourself to survive.

What's in California? Our family. Catalina Island, our retreat. The Angels baseball team, the Kings hockey team--our second and third homes respectively. Pacific Coast Highway... Long Beach, Newport Beach, Santa Monica. Malibu. Yogurtland (Trevor!), LACMA, The Getty, and OH, The Huntington Library. The Hearst Castle. The SEALS! The Golden Gate Bridge and some of the most amazing coastal scenery ever. Big bear mountain, little cabins that have big fireplaces and tons of snow to hide from. Skiing. deviantART, Hollywood, Disneyland. Downtown Disney (where I loved to go sit in those huge recliners and watch sports at ESPNzone and eat a huge pile of cheese fries.)

I probably won't see a lot of those things for a long time... but what I have are memories--all of those are memories. We left California to get our minds together, and now we're going back with a purpose to get all of these things we've lost back. We fucking want our baseball seats back (I see you sitting in diamond club taunting Juan Rivera to put his inside-out pocket back in his pants.)

We have motivation again. Boy, do we want our lives back.

We can appreciate it now. I'm overwhelmed--we can appreciate it now.

Can I say it again?

We will appreciate it now.

Do I know where we're going? Vaguely. Do I know where we'll live? Not really. Am I scared? Kind of.

Is this an adventure? Of course.

Let's do this thing.



Juli